i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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