dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize