we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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