By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
