Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
