"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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