seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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