don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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