rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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