it wasn't lemon gatorade
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
