Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
