Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
