Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize