Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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