We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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