She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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