I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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