My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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