oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
