i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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