life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
3 2 1 whiskey
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
