u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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