im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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