Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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