He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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