The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
