are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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