I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
