I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
