is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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