It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
