shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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