Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
