i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My ATM looks so different sober.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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