I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
