She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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