Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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