I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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