You're so nebulous sometimes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
