Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
