just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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