Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
