i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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