Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
