Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
