I will die if light touches me.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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