I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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