Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
