I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
