I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
