I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
