i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That accounts for only three of the penises
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we should paint friendship bongs
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
