his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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