make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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