there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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