Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
