The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
