My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
