it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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