she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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