i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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