I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
