Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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