Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
