Are we in a gay sports bar?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
