i think i have herpe
just one?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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