Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize