My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
