Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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