1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
