Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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